We need some jokes :)

[Bily Lovec]

and I'll start it off with the old A T & T telamarket'r scam....



One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most
of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted
by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such
occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call
was from AT&T and it went something like this:

Me: Hello

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: OK, hold on.

--- At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes
thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone.
Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were
still waiting. ---

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?

Me: Yes, is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.

Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for
calling.

--- When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can
express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not
interested", but this lady was persistent. ---

AT&T: Mr. Byron we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24
hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

--- Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a
minute but she at no time used the word rate. I could clearly see
that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little
ciphering. ---

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?

AT&T: <getting a little excited at this point by my interest> Yes
sir that's right! 24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That's right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!

AT&T: We think so!

Me: That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it ads up.

Me: Okay, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one
big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send
an annual check, can I get a cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days
a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week
and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be
making payment.

AT&T: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10
cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a
minute. Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......

Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give
me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some
kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like
this in the Enquirer you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing
techniques on me.

AT&T: No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....

Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!

AT&T: Sir I don't think that is necessary.

Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?

AT&T: What?

Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!

AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold.

--- So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I
begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few
minutes and while I have a mouth full of food: ---

Supervisor: Mr. Byron?

Me: Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10
cents a minute program.

Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?

Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.

--- I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could
do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a
snort. ---

Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so
that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who
was helping you.

Me: Thank you.

--- I was on hold once again and was getting really hungry. I needed
to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but
polite voice at the other end of the phone. ---

AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in
signing up for our plan?

Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can
never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like
to have a little brother...

AT&T: <click>