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Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said,
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my
family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?"


"Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to
the one from whom you stole it."


"I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I
do?"


"If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for
your family."


Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off.


When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When
he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his
turkey.


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"A Sacrilegious Joke"


The Pope, Billy Graham and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane
crash over the Atlantic Ocean. Tragically, they all died and went to
the Pearly Gates together. "Oh, this is terrible," exclaimed St.
Peter. "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but we weren't
expecting you, and your quarters just aren't ready. We can't take you
in just yet and we can't send you back."


Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone. "Lucifer, this is Pete.
Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't
expecting them, and we gotta fix a place up for 'em. I was hoping you
could put them up for a while. It'll only be a couple of days. I'll
owe you one." Reluctantly, the Devil agreed.


Two days later, St. Peter's phone rang. "Pete, this is Lucifer. Hey,
you gotta come get these three clowns. This Pope fellow is forgiving
everybody, the Graham guy is saving everybody, and that Oral Roberts
has raised enough money to buy air conditioning!"


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"Nun & Construction Workers"


An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site
noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some
time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her
lunch sit with the workers and talk with them. She put her sandwich in
a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. She
walked up to the group and with a big smile said, "Do you men know
Jesus Christ?"


They shook their heads and looked at each other. One of the workers
looked up into the steelwork and yelled, "Anybody up there know Jesus
Christ?"


One of the steelworkers asked why. The foreman yelled, "His wife is
here with his lunch!


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Maybe Later...


Father O'Malley walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man
he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"


The man said, "I do Father."


The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."


Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"


"Sure, Father, and who wouldn't?" was the man's reply.


"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.


Then Father O'Malley walked up to Murphy and said, "Do you want to go
to heaven?"


Murphy shook his head and said, "No, I don't Father."


The priest said, "C'mon lad... I don't believe this. You mean to tell
me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"


Murphy said, "Oh, when I die, yes. Sure, I thought you were getting a
group together to go right now."